


Lean On Me

by rosesisupposes



Series: Adventures of My Imaginary Sons [Sanders Sides Shorts] [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Logicality - Freeform, Breakup, Drunk Kisses, Friends to Lovers, General Tso's Chicken, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Prinxiety - Freeform, Touch-Starved, only slightly venty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 03:27:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17236505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesisupposes/pseuds/rosesisupposes
Summary: Breakups are never easy, and this one has been no different. It's been rough on Virgil, but it's been hell for his friend Roman to watch as well.





	Lean On Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ierin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ierin/gifts).



> Written for the Powerless Discord Secret Santa, this story is for the wonderful Ierin, also known as ierindoodles on tumblr :)

_“… text me tomorrow about how he’s doing, okay kiddo?”_  
“Of course, Padre.”  
_“And make sure he eats. You know how he gets…”_  
“Pat, it’s okay. I’ll take care of him. You guys have a good date night.”  
_“Thanks, Ro. Good night!”_  
“Night, Patton.”

Roman hung up his cell and took a breath before opening the door into his apartment, carrying a duffel bag. The TV was on, playing Steven Universe re-runs to a motionless lump of blankets on the couch. At the sound of the door closing, the lump shifted and a hooded head emerged, groaning.

“Hey, Virge. I brought the bag. And I ordered Chinese.”

A quieter grunt acknowledged his words. Roman carefully left the duffel by the door and sat on the freest part of the couch. Listening carefully, he realized there was a softer sound, hiding under the bright dialogue of the still-playing show. A small sniff confirmed it; Virgil was crying again.

Roman gently lay a hand on the leg that sprawled closest to him on the couch. “I’m sorry, V. I know it’s hard.”

“…it’s just. The last bag. It’s real now,” Virgil said quietly. He shuddered, still holding back tears. “I mean. It’s  _been_ real, I know. It’s been over a month, but knowing that all my stuff is gone now…”

“It’s okay, Virge. I know. You don’t have to pretend to be okay with it if you’re not,” Roman said softly, rubbing small circles on Virgil’s knee. “Can I get you a tissue?”

Virgil sniffed again. “Yes please, thanks, Ro.”

Roman stood and walked into the kitchen, taking a minute to pull himself together. After a month of Virgil crashing on his couch, you’d think Roman would be slightly better at not falling apart whenever he saw his friend cry. But even quiet tears sent his memory immediately back to that first night. Virgil had called him from downstairs, asking if he could stay over. His eyeliner had been in dark tracks down his cheeks, his eyes red-rimmed, his hair a  _mess_. He’d collapsed into Roman’s tiny flat, with just an overstuffed backpack in his arms and told him that he and his boyfriend of two years had broken up.

Roman took a deep breath. Virgil was doing better now. Most of the time. He spent the occasional day just crying and some days in a numb haze. But there were many days when he was fully functional, and some when he even laughed. Especially when Duchess curled up on or around him and purred her hardest. Roman was happy to sacrifice his daily cuddles with his beloved cat if it helped Virge in his time of need.

Roman grabbed the tissues and went back to the man on the couch. Duchess had appeared in his absence, settling into her favorite spot right by Virgil’s chest. She mewed as Virgil’s arm bumped her in reaching for an offered tissue, then curled in more. Roman settled back onto the other side of the couch, watching the show.

“Hey, Ro?” Virgil finally broke the quiet. “Thanks again. For the bag. I know I just sort of… cried, but I really appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome, V. Not a problem. If there’s anything else you realize you forgot, just let me know, I’ll make sure we get it back for you, okay?”

Virgil nodded, his hood slipping back. He wasn’t wearing makeup today, and the bags under his eyes were painfully visible. He stared at the TV, without really focusing.

Roman heard a soft muttered sound. “What was that?”

Virgil looked down, then repeated, “I don’t deserve my friends.”

Roman felt a vise tighten around his heart. “V… of  _course_ you do. We all care about you so much.”

“But you’ve all being doing so much for me while I’m just a mess…”

“If you keep this up, I will call Pat and tell him what you said…”

That surprised a laugh out of the other man. “Ro, no, please don’t. I’m too weak to physically fight him. Plus,” he said, the smile flitting away again like the moon behind a cloud, “it’s date night for them, isn’t it? I wouldn’t want to interrupt.”

“I- yes, it is. But they both love you - they’d be here in a heartbeat if you needed it. And they’d never resent you for it, not in a million years.”

His smile returned as he sighed. “You’re right. I don’t know what I’d do without you all.”

Roman couldn’t help staring, just a bit. He treasured these smiles and was heartened as he realized they were starting to happen more and more. It had been an emotionally draining month, but every genuine smile was like sun breaking through the clouds.

His reverie was interrupted by a call from the delivery man, who’d brought him that sweet-and spicy-dish of the Chinese-American-Fusion gods, General Tso’s chicken. The smell got Virgil to rise from the couch and migrate to the kitchen to eat.

Roman furtively texted Patton as he cleaned up and Virgil retreated back to the couch.

 **Prince Roman:**  I got him to eat.  
**Prince Roman:**  (Chinese takeout fixes everything, I don’t know why Lo never believes me)  
**Padre Patton:** <3 <3 <3 thats so good!!!! thx roro  
**Padre Patton:**  Roman, as I’ve told you, any kind of food can only be a temporary amelioration of an issue this serious. - Logan  
**Padre Patton:** but if v is happy im happy <3 <3 <3  
**Prince Roman:**  Lo you have your own phone, why???  
**Prince Roman:**  (also how dare you, general tso’s has cleared my skin and watered my crops, it is a miracle)  
**Padre Patton:**  We have been listening to podcasts and I inadvertently ran down the battery while we were engaged in such.  
**Padre Patton:**  In addition, I do not believe takeout can have such a skincare application, nor do you have any agricultural pursuits - Logan  
**Padre Patton:**  ill explain memes roro :D  
**Padre Patton:** thx again! gnite! ily!!!!  
**Padre Patton:**  tell v i love him 2!!!!!  
**Padre Patton:**  Have a good evening, and please send my regards and support to Virgil as well. - Logan

Roman made his way back to the couch, where Virgil had finished his show and was scrolling through movie options.

“Is it another Tim Burton night?”

“You know it,” Virgil replied with a small smirk.

“God, you are a such an emo nightmare,” Roman said, grinning.

Virgil looked up, grinning back. “What can I say? I just gotta be me.”

As always, his smile set Roman’s heart beating just the tiniest bit faster. But as always, he said nothing, not responding with flirtatious comments or compliments. Virgil had come to him needing a friend, and that is what Roman was determined to be. After three years, he was quite practiced at pushing his crush down into a teeny, tiny corner of his mind.

But because Virgil had lived in his one-bedroom apartment for almost a month now, Roman’s strength in holding back had been sorely tested. Just the night before, Virgil had fallen asleep on top of him.

Not on purpose, of course. At some point during the second movie of the night, the dark-clad man had nodded off and slumped into Roman’s shoulder. He’d been sleeping so badly that Roman just froze, hoping to not wake him. But he’d made the mistake of looking down. He’d seen the bangs falling into the other man’s face, and saw how soft his expression was. It was the first time in weeks he hadn’t seemed overwhelmed or miserable or hopeless. If Roman hadn’t already been pathetically crushing on his friend, seeing that peaceful face, soft and sweet… In that moment, he’d realized just how far gone he really was.

But Virgil was still hurting. It would be cruel to make a move, or even hint at one. He couldn’t risk making his friend feel uncomfortable or unsafe, not when he was already so vulnerable. So he satisfied his urges with a smaller expression of love, and had gently smoothed purple bangs out of the sleeping man’s face. Virgil had muttered in his sleep and shifted, head sliding to fall in Roman’s lap as his hands wrapped around Roman’s arm. Roman had lost track of time, watching his crush sleep soundly using him as a pillow. But eventually he’d eased himself out from underneath him and gone to sleep in his own room.

~~~~~~~~ 

Now, as Virgil put on The Corpse Bride for the second time that week, Roman tried very hard to not hope that it would happen again. _He probably just thought I was his ex,_ he reminded himself.  _It’s not personal._

But during the movie, Virgil suddenly turned to Roman and burst out, “I’m sorry about last night.”

“Whatever for?”

“I fell asleep on you. And I probably got… grabby. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable or trapped.”

“Hey, V, no worries, okay? You need sleep however or wherever you can. Plus, you have impeccably good taste, I am an excellent pillow,” Roman responded lightly, throwing in a bravado that he didn’t feel to reassure his anxious friend.

“I- okay,” Virgil responded, looking down. His leg jiggled as he seemed to debate his next words. “I… this might be weird, so just stop me if it is, but um. I’ve found myself… missing human contact? A lot? Like, I’m just craving hugs or whatever all the time,” he forced out, not making eye contact. “It’s so weird, it wasn’t like Wayne was ever that physically affectionate, so it shouldn’t be so different now, but I still find myself really,  _really_ wanting it now. And normally when I feel like this I just go to Pat, but it’s still hard to spend too much time over there, when he and Lo are just so happy together.”

“Virge, it’s normal to need reassurance,” Roman said, turning to face him. “Don’t feel bad for having needs. Vulnerability is nothing to be ashamed of, V. You’re just feeling lost. It’s okay. If there’s something that helps you recover, you should go for it.”

“Thanks, Ro,” Virgil responded, flashing him a brief smile.

They lapsed into silence, continuing to watch the movie, until Virgil broke it once more.

“Could I ask you to- no, I shouldn’t, nevermind, sorry,” he burst out before muttering and trailing off.

“What is it, V?”

“I shouldn’t even ask.”

“No, go for it. If it’s a problem, I’ll tell you.”

“I- could you- if it’s not weird- can you, um…” Virgil dithered, fidgeting with his hands. Roman waited, giving him space and time to say what was on his mind.

“Could you, uh. Could we… Could you, uh, hug me? Like, um. Cuddling? A little?”

Roman blinked rapidly as his mind went blank and his heart threatened to beat right-the-fuck out of his chest. He’d always been the most physically affectionate of their group, except for the particular bond that Pat and Virge had. He’d wanted nothing more than to hold Virgil in his arms for years, but had reigned himself in to avoid making his friend uncomfortable. And now he was being  _asked_ to do so. Virgil was already cringing in anticipation of rejection.

“Of course I can,” he managed to respond in an even tone. He employed all his acting ability to keep the unseemly levels of enthusiasm out of his voice. “Whatever you need, V. C’mere.”

He opened his arms and let Virgil shift over on the couch and nestle in. He hoped his heartbeat wasn’t audible at its still-frantic rate.

Virgil being Virgil, he leaned in while still worrying aloud. “Are you sure this is okay? I don’t… I keep taking all your energy and support. I’m just so fragile right now, and there’s not much I can offer in return.”

Ro felt himself dying just a little inside. “I’m here to be whatever you need, Virge. I care about you, and want to help you heal.” He took a deep breath, and added, “Plus, I don’t mind in the slightest.”

“I don’t want to be selfish…”

“Virge, not at all. You know me, I’m a touchy-feely guy. I feel like I’m helping more this way. So let yourself be selfish, okay?” He sounded so much more reassuring than he felt, but it worked, and Virgil let himself relax in Roman’s arms until the movie finished.

It became a routine with each movie night. One of them would pick a movie, they’d both settle on the couch, and eventually (or immediately) Virgil would slide over to Roman and let himself be held. Roman’s heart sang like a Disney Princess every time it happened, even as he reminded himself over and over that it was nothing personal. Virgil needed comfort, and Roman was the best person to give it. Even if this was the most affection he’d ever be able to show his friend, he was happy to be able to, and happy to be helping. This could be enough.

~~~~~~~~

A month and a half after the breakup, Roman arrived home to find Virgil on the couch, cradling a mostly-empty bottle of wine and blasting My Chemical Romance from his phone.

“Uhh, Virge, you uh, doing okay?”

“Roooomannn, yeah man, ‘m grrreat,” Virgil drawled, grinning goofily up his friend.

“Okay, um, what’s that?” Roman asked, gesturing to the bottle.

“It’s Gatorade,” Virgil said, holding a straight face for all of two seconds before bursting into giggles.

“Virge, not to alarm you, but I believe you may be drunk,” Roman said sarcastically.

“Whaaatt? Drunk? Me? That’s rediclus. Ridicohlos. Ri _dic_ ulous. Heh, dick. Hm, maybe you’ve got a point there, Princey,” the man responded, snickering at his own joke.

“Let’s, uh, get you some water? And you can tell me why you seem determined to finish that bottle on your own,” Roman said, tugging the bottle out of his friend’s grip.

“S’nothing, Roro. Wayne just dropped off a box of little things I left there, and I just happened to see him walking away through the window, and I didn’t want to be sad again sooo…”

Roman winced. He’d had to block Virgil’s ex for him on his phone and social media to keep him from going through old pictures and texts. He couldn’t imagine what seeing him in person had done to his tentative recovery. He hurried to bring over water from the kitchen, leaving the wine out of reach.

Virgil was sitting up and singing along to The Black Parade as Roman returned. He had a lovely voice, even if his enunciation had taken a serious hit from the wine. But he dutifully stopped singing to drink the water Roman handed him.

“I’m sorry that Wayne did that, Virge, I know that must have been hard. But it’s still okay to be sad, and it’s not healthy to try to drown it out with alcohol.”

“I knoww,” Virgil responded, almost whining. “But I’m so tired of being sad all the time. It’s dumb. Wayne is dumb. Life is dumb. Wine is not dumb.”

“You plus wine equals also dumb,” Roman pointed out.

“Pffff,” Virgil said, dismissing the thought. “Nahhh ‘m so smart right now. Shuddup.”

“Don’t make me do the Logan voice, V.”  
“You can’t scare me, princey-boy!”

“That’s it, you asked for it!” Roman said. He sat up straighter, adjusted an invisible tie, and settled invisible glasses on his nose.

“Virgil, you are acting illogically,” he said, making his voice deeper and more formal. “The consumption of alcohol inhibits the function of the prefrontal cortex, the region of your brain that controls high-level thinking and decision-making. Not only is your thinking quite literally handicapped, such a state makes it impossible to be able to accurately gauge your own ability or lack thereof.”

Virgil sat up straight and sheepishly finished his water. “Dammit, Ro, why are you so good at that? You even manage to  _look_ like him, it’s creepy.”

Roman grinned, dropping the persona. “He  _is_ fairly handsome, it’s true. Just not as handsome as me!”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Virgil said under his breath, setting his glass on the floor. Sitting back up, he collapsed onto the couch and made grabby-hands at Roman. “Hugs?”

Roman scooted over and wrapped his arms around his friend. Virgil apparently got much more overtly affectionate when drinking, but it wasn’t like he minded all that much. His drinking was worrying, but at least the tears had dried up. Yeah, Virgil was acting goofier than usual, but he also had expressed anger with his ex for the first time. And that couldn’t be a bad thing, not after how he’d been treated.

Virgil made a sound of contentment and snuggled into Roman’s chest more, hooking his legs up and over so that he was fully sitting in Roman’s lap. He wriggled just the slightest bit, getting comfortable, and nestled his head into the crook of Roman’s neck.

Roman was very, very glad that Virgil couldn’t see his face. It wasn’t his fault that Roman had a  _thing_ about his neck, where the slightest bit of skin-to-skin contact drove him crazy. It wasn’t his fault that Roman was horribly and utterly in love with him. And Roman refused to be anything other than a good friend. He wouldn’t let his crush change anything. He wouldn’t be anything except what Virgil needed him to be. He would ignore and suppress his crush and be the best platonic friend that Virgil could hope for. He half-expected the virtue of his intentions to be glowing around him like a Botticelli halo.

He felt Virgil shifting and looked down, his head turning down right into Virgil placing a soft kiss directly on his lips. His brain came to a roaring halt before launching into a meteoric takeoff as he leaned in, every particle of his being cheering in unison. Virgil’s lips were so soft, his kiss so sweet, it was everything he’d hoped it would be and  _ohdeargodwhatamidoing._

Roman pulled back abruptly. Virgil was still drunk and still hurting. This was practically taking advantage of him and his vulnerability.  _Oh god he’s going to hate me in the morning._

Virgil seemed half-asleep and still tipsy and he whined as Roman pulled away. Roman took a deep breath and reminded himself how much of the wine his friend had finished. He just needed to sleep it off. Roman would do the right thing and never bring this up again. He stood and picked Virgil up in a bundle of the blankets that he deposited in his own bed. He left another full glass on water on the bedside table and retreated to sleep on the couch.

~~~~~~~~ 

Despite Roman’s best intentions to let Virgil forget what had clearly been a mistake, he brought it up the minute they were both awake and in the kitchen. Roman had strolled in to see his friend huddled over a cup of coffee. The minute he heard him enter, Virgil sat up with a start, words spilling out in a rush.

“Ro! Hey, um, I am… I am so sorry. I was kind of a mess last night. And I don’t want- If I hurt you in any way, I’d never forgive myself. I don’t want to tramp all over your boundaries. Are you - are you okay?”

Roman was shocked and suddenly hopeful, but furiously tamped down that hope. “Virgil, don’t worry about me. Last night was, well, different, but I’m fine. You were in an altered state, it’s fine if it didn’t mean anything…” He trailed off as he saw Virgil noticeably wincing.

Virgil took a deep breath, not meeting Roman’s eyes. “I wouldn’t have done it had I been sober, but that’s not because… I’m still a mess, Ro. I’m fragile as hell and could shatter again at any moment. I can’t ask anyone, let alone you, to take that on. I’m already the free-loading houseguest, I don’t want to be an emotional burden too.”

“Virge, you could never be a burden. I want to support you. You’re my… best friend,” Ro replied, copping out at the last second. He’s sure he hallucinated Virgil wincing at ‘friend.’ “If that’s what you need, even while sober, I’m here for you.” His heart screamed for him to confess how he actually felt, but he blocked it out. He might be a Prince, in last name only, but that wouldn’t stop him from being a gentleman.  “It doesn’t have to be anything more than a mistake, as long as you’re not hurt.”

Virgil seemed about to speak, but fell silent. He leaned forward on the table, head in hands, groaning quietly. Roman’s own anxiety started to spike. _Did I do something wrong? Is Virgil okay? What if this was too much and Virgil hates me forever?_

At last, Virgil spoke. “Ro… I’m going to try being absolutely blunt, okay? I want to be sure we both understand exactly what I mean, and that there’s no miscommunication or assumptions.”

Roman nodded, unsure of what Virgil’s intent, but there was a stone in his stomach, dragging him down.

“I… I don’t think I’ve been hallucinating that you’re interested in me, Roman. Interested not just as a friend but…  _roman_ tically.” He half-smirked at the emphasis, the same quirk of the lips that acknowledges Patton’s puns. It was so familiar and dear that it twisted Roman’s heart more than a little to recognize. He would smile if he wasn’t terrified of the ‘but’ he sensed was about to come. He realized that Virgil seemed to be waiting for confirmation.

“I can’t lie to you, Virge. It’s true, I am interested, but I know with the timing-”

“Ro, please. I need to just get this out, okay?”

Swallowing the sudden lump in his throat, Roman nodded and fell silent.

“I feel like shit, Ro, because I knew about your interest even when I was still with Wa- with  _him_. And I still came to you when we broke up because I knew you’d be there for me in a way Pat and Lo can’t be right now, because they’re so happy together. But I should have known how hard it would be for you, and I’ve been demanding so much energy from you as I recover, and it’s just not fair to ask that of you. And last night… I know I crossed a line, Ro. I’m so, so sorry. To push myself on you when you’ve been so kind and supportive - I feel terrible. It won’t happen again, I promise. And I can… I can probably recover on my own, at this point. If it’s too much. I can stop asking anything of you. I’ll be okay. I have leads on housing anyway, I can move out soon.”

Roman swallowed, and looked down. He could feel how raw and vulnerable Virgil was, pushing away the comfort of Roman’s presence because he believed it was the right thing to do. Friends joked about how the two of them were such opposites. But here they were, both trying to take the burden of pain on themselves to avoid hurting the other. Not so different after all, it seemed.

“Virge… It’s not too much, I promise. I want to be here for you. No matter how else I feel about you, you’re one of my best friends, and one of the best people I know. If you’re still hurting, you shouldn’t go through it alone. I want you to demand my time still. I offer it freely.”

To his surprise, tears began to fill Virgil’s eyes. “Ro, please, I don’t need you to sacrifice your well-being for me. I know… I know it must be painful. You don’t need to keep just…  _dealing_ with me, when I’m a garbage fire of feelings.”

Roman made eye contact. “V, I really don’t know how to convince you that I don’t care. I’ll be here for you through anything, as long as you’ll let me. And I-” he took a deep breath. “I’m not just… waiting. I don’t expect anything from you, and I’m not asking for anything. I just want to be here for you because… fuck, V, I  _care_ about you. I hate seeing you in pain. Anything I can do is never too much, as long as it’s okay with you.”

Virgil looked more than a bit stunned. “But… I can’t offer anything in return. I’m broken, Ro. I’m still a mess and even if I wanted to be your- even if I wanted another relationship, I’d still be fragile. I wouldn’t be a good partner to anyone. I’m not even a good friend, not at the moment.”

Roman dimly processed Virgil’s full statement but the larger part of his attention was derailed at that amended statement. “Virge- what were you going to say? If you wanted to be my…?”

Virgil blushed faintly and muttered, “It doesn’t matter” but Roman cut him off.

“It might matter a lot, Virge. Please tell me?”

“…your boyfriend,” Virgil whispered.

“So last night, that was…?”

“…yeah, that wasn’t just because of the alcohol.”

Roman’s heart was bursting in his chest. He must have been dreaming. Virgil Sanders, the man he’d been pining after for over 2 years, actually liked him back.

“Virgil, I know you think you’d be an imbalanced partner, but believe me when I tell you that I don’t believe that for a second. You’ve been so considerate of me, trying to take care of my feelings even as you’ve been in pain. And you’re just so dear to me, I can’t let you deprive yourself of anything you would want out of some misplaced nobility. That’s my job,” he said, ending with a wry smile

Virgil looked up, watery eyes meeting Roman’s. “You’re… you’re sure? You mean it?”

Roman gently placed a hand on the dark-clad man’s shoulder. As he leaned in to the touch, Roman pulled his head into his chest, holding him as he had so many times in the last month. “I have never been so sure of anything in my life, Virge. If you want me, you’ve got me. In any way you want.”

“Ro, I… “

“You don’t have to make a decision now, V. I’m not going anywhere.”  
“I just wanted to say… thank you, Ro. For everything. For your care and attention and for being here.”  
“It’s my pleasure.”  
“But you didn’t have to, and you did anyway. So thank you for all you’ve done.”

Roman nuzzled Virgil’s purple head, holding him close into his chest. He was deliriously happy to hold him, knowing with certainty that for the first time in years, it wasn’t one-sided. This wasn’t an act of desperation, of clinging to the only scrap of affection he could get his hands on. This was just the beginning. This was  _Virgil_.

Virgil’s rumble interrupted his thoughts.

“What was that?”

Virgil raised his head to Roman’s level, noses almost touching. “May I kiss you again?”

Roman just about melted, hearing the husky request in Virgil’s low voice, but managed to squeak out a _“Yes”_ before their lips met. 

 


End file.
